Too Much

Justin and I just got back to Boston from NY for a day.  We went on a quick mission (just to drop off his little sister who spent the summer at a Harvard program).  I wasn't suppose to go, but I hopped in the car anyways knowing that it will kill 4+ hours driving to and from depending on the traffic and those 8+ hours should be going to my work product for a busy upcoming week.  I did it to get away from reality.  I did it to sleep in an absolute silent neighborhood where I can hear the crickets so loud and clear it puts me to sleep.  That's my favorite part about staying over his house in New York.  The awesome crickets. 

This is a venting post.  For me to vent to a white square with a blinking cursor.  I love my family, of course as everyone does, but sometimes I really can't take it all.  I have a big family filled with lots of grandchildren and some days, I feel like exploding from all chatter, jumping up and down, and running and then on the other side, you have a mother that is oh so lovely and then have some really non-lovely days and you cannot win with her no matter what.  

I really cannot wait until the day I move out.  (Yes I am almost 25 and still living at home).  You see folks, I grew up in a really really strict household and the idea of moving out is nonexistent before marriage.  Sleepovers don't exist either.  I am expected at home everyday after work or after I go hang out in the city or go to dinner or the movies.  The only time I can get away with not coming home is if I am in a different state or on vacation.  [Funny side story, the one time I decided to rebel and not come home because somebody told me to just DO IT since I am an adult and can make my own adult decisions, I got the lecture of my life.  I wish I had my own cozy apartment.  My own quiet space without an "auntie!!" or a random scolding the second I walk in the door.  Some days, crying is the only solution to make myself feel better after a rough day at work and then to battle a rough evening at home.  Some days, the pressure is too much.  Some days I envy all the 20 something year olds living on their own, coming and going without responsibilities, sitting on rooftops enjoying the breeze.  Some days when the 20 something year olds complain about scuffs on their new heels or being "stressed out" because traffic made them late to dinner, I really want to roll my eyes and laugh out loud because they have NO IDEA what stress is.  I'm trying to be really patient for that one day where I am 100% happy with everything in my life.  Or at least 92%.  Please?    

I bow down to all the hard working mothers.  Working a full day and coming home to take care of a bunch of kids really is draining, physically but mostly emotionally.  However they do it, I need their energy and motivation to battle the next day.                

MUST STAY STRONG.