Guilt and Roadmap

HAPPY MID APRIL! Do you know what mid April means? BUSY SEASON IS OVER. I'll give you the rundown of what happened at work between December and the first week of April. I've been on serious MIA mode because we were preparing to file 3,000 petitions with the government. In the world of immigration law, you prepare all these cases and file all of your numbers within one week's time frame. DONE. OVER. FINISHED. FREEDOM! Now back to normal busy ha!

I wrote guilt as the headliner of this post because I just want to vent about pure guilt. Today, I stayed home from work because I guess my body decided to say NOPE, you are shutting down my friend and now that your busy season is over, it is time to get sick. I wasn't feeling too great yesterday but it was manageable. Then at 5:30 am today, I woke up in shivers and body aches. First reaction was nooooo I HATE FEVERS. I really didn't believe in the whole stress will lower your immune system. I guess it is cool to test and see how much your body, your brain, your mind can take, but then when you start feeling sick, that's when you say enough is enough. I have no idea why I feel guilty when I take sick days. I really don't. Some people don't even feel guilty strolling into work at 10 am! That's just me. I feel guilt all the time and it is SO ANNOYING. You don't understand how my mind functions. I feel guilt asking to leave work early when I feel like throwing up at my computer screen. I feel guilty being at home on the couch trying to recover when I know my coworkers are busting their ass on their own cases. Why does guilt take over? What I should have told myself is that it is ok to stay at home if you're sick. You need to get better asap to get back to work asap right? See, told you my inner voice was annoying. 

I've been on this couch since morning..

Now let's talk about ROADMAP! This is probably the best $20 I've spent in a while. This book is simply amazing. I've caught myself nodding my head a few times because of how on point this book is. ROADMAP: The Get-It-Together Guide for Figuring Out What to Do With Your Life. If you think the title of this book is lame and if you think it is lame that I am taking advice from a book, the X button is at the top right hand corner of your internet browser -you can see your way out- :) No negativity here please! I've been feeling lost for quite a few months now. Everyday I asked myself, "is this it?" How much longer can I go down this paralegal track before I really lose it. Why can't I be part of that 10% that really followed their dreams and are truly happy with their careers?

Here are some really good points I've taken from this book so far (I won't give you too much detail because you should really get the book and read it!):

- Monday through Friday. Am I really only living for Saturday and Sunday? 

- I basically did what the noise told me to do. I never put my foot down and even tried to do what I wanted to do in my career. I followed the "you should do this instead" and "you won't make money in that, so you should major in this". 

- What's my definition of happiness? Is it being the absolute best at what I'm doing? Is it money? Is being a role model to others and proving that I can be this badass? 

The day that I move to New York (oh that will be a post for another day) is the day that my new chapter begins. My one chance before having some mini hanhs and justins to start fresh in a new city. I've been paying for my own bills and my own living for years now and I'm still living by someone else's rules? That just doesn't seem right. I don't know what that new fresh start will be just yet, but I have a tiny sense of hope. I have a tiny feeling that maybe I'll be happier. *cross fingers*